I need to feel alive again

I won't go into any details simply because I have exhausted myself talking to everyone I know about my feelings, including the person who broke my heart in the first place! I'm posting because I was just on a walk(to try to clear my mind) and during that walk, I had many, many thoughts about how I was going to deal with these terrible feelings and emotions I was suffering. I keep switching back and forth between indifference about it all and a complete breakdown from too many thoughts swirling around in my head. I try to adopt the indifference because obviously, if I don't care, then I don't care. No problems to worry about; no problems to try to solve(which usually can't be solved and hence, why it's so maddening when you have those problems). But it doesn't always work. I don't know if it's just me or what, but it's as if I'm bipolar or something. Seriously, I'll have one set of emotions and then within the next hour, I'll have the completely opposite emotions. That's why it's so hard on me to deal with such things. Anyway(FUCK, I digress way too damn much), while I was having one of my "episodes" and I was full of the bad thoughts, I had this thought about my friend and doing what he does as recreation. No, it's not drugs, although that could possibly work. No, he does something that I find cool and exciting. It's something I've seen him do many times but never bothered trying myself. Well today, I thought that maybe I should start. And this is what I mean about being alive.When one feels like their life is over and there's nothing left to live for, I find it usually helps to be reminded that one is alive! And what better way to feel alive again than to live dangerously. And that's what I intend to do. I'm going to live dangerously. Afterall , at times over the last couple of days, it feels like i just simply don't give a shit anymore. So I don't mind losing it all. I'm going to put myself in danger and try to be reminded of what it means to be alive and more importantly what it means to know that having your life is what's important. Now I won't be doing anything crazy like skydiving or driving 55 down a 25 mph street. It won't be anything like that. But people who know me know what I like to do during my off times. I'll just be taking it to another level. And assuming my life doesn't end from this, then maybe it's the best medicine that can be prescribed. I trust living dangerously will work. I'm not the first person to do this, I know that. I just want to be well again.